The Pain Is Slowly Easing

June 29, 2011

Dear Karen,

It’s fair to say that the past few weeks have been somber and gloomy for me. It has been like living in the dark, as though a big black evil cloud has engulfed me.

I have also felt like there has been a piece missing from my heart, and although I wasn’t sure what that piece was, I now realize it was the part I gave to you. Kaz, you have been the missing piece of my heart!

Now, slowly, it’s as though that piece is being fumbled back into place and I’m starting to see a glimmer of light, just as though someone, somewhere has turned on a light and it’s starting to flicker alive.

It’s hard for me to explain what the feeling is, all I can say is that when I’ve been with you lately, the movie I’m watching seems better, the music I’m listening to sounds more alive, even things like doing the dishes is more fun when you’re in the room.

Everything I’ve ever done in my life has been better, brighter and more exciting when I’ve been able to share it with you.

I want you to know that the most important thing in my life is you, Karen. Nothing beats holding you in my arms, touching your hair and smelling your scent, the one that belongs to you alone.

I would never want you to not know the way I feel about you. I love you Kaz, I’m sure you must realize that, but for me, that is no longer enough now. I want you to really know how much I love you. But I so dearly need the comfort and the security of knowing that whenever I say, “I love you,” you’re going to say the same words, too. But I just wish that sometimes you would say them before I do – and make me believe you mean them so much.

I’ve always felt so lucky you decided to share your life with me, and there’s nothing, just nothing, I wouldn’t do to make you happy. I just want you to want me. Just like I want you.

There’s no price you can put on love. And I know you just can’t make love come back to the way it was: I know it’ll come back, if, and when it’s ready. But I just want you to know that for every ounce of love you give to me, I will give it back to you a thousand times more.

I worship you and adore you and no one could ever compete with the beauty I see when you stand before me. I would never do anything to hurt you, I want only to love you and re-build our life together. I don’t need anyone else but you.

If only I could have come up with the right words to describe the depth of feeling that I have for you, I would have uttered them to you a thousand times.

You’re all I’ve ever dreamt of and you know you are the best thing that ever happened to me.

I love you Karen, more than my life… more than my world. You are my world. Life wouldn’t be life if I couldn’t share it with you.

Love always,


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