How he makes me feel everyday..

June 24, 2011

okay so this is going to be my dedication to derrick…he helps me so much and he always tells me how much he loves me and i try to tell him how much i love him but it never comes out the way i want to and the other day he talked to my best friend amanda..and ah he has no idea how much that meant to me i mean amanda is my BEST friend and she likes him..she respect him..and she trusts me in his hands..and that means alot to me..i mean i love him so much..he means everything to me…he makes me laugh wheni dont even want to smile…he’s been in my life since 2006 but we stopped takling for a while i think it was because of our friend link but i now have him back because of a guy named john…thank you john for telling me luna might live with showed me to the love of my life..the one i will spend the rest of my life with..with out amanda..i felt i had nothing..but i could no longer talk to her as much as i wanted…so i basically had no reason to stay here..i kept trying and trying to leave but something was keeping me here i dont know what it was then but now i realize that i was kept here for him..that i was here for something other than feeling the need to die..every where i turned i saw something that gave me the idea i wasnt needed like no one will ever really love fate..i met derrick..since i have been with him i realized i changed…i havnt cut once…i gave that up..i know it would hurt him..and i dont want him to hurt not at all…i want him to be happy when he’s with me and thats the ting i dont have to try so hard to make him happy..just me being there will do that..same with him..just when he says hi to me or good morning its like oh he said good morning! my morning is now complete…and he always makes me feel butterflies.. i mean ive had them before..but never like this..i usually just got them in my stomach but now i have them in my chest and then i get them all over my body as well…he saved me from..everything…he makes me feel loved like im worth something..and he says almost everyday that im beautiful..instead of like hot or some thing..and it makes me feel alot better to be honest..its nice knowing someone thinks your beautiful…and he loves me for me..not what i look like..and he’s not only after one thing most guys are today..i may not have known him for a very long time but ive known him long enough to know that i want to spend my life with him…no one makes me feel the way he dose no one..ive never felt this good..i stay awake at night trying to imagine his voice..or his laugh…or his arms around me or even him kissing me..and i know ill feel and hear them soon but its like..i need to imagine them even..i cant get enough of him…everything i do is based on him..i go to sleep after i get off the computer with him..then i wake up at 9 every morning to get back on with him…never knew i could feel like this…i thought love like this was just in stories..but its real..and he showed me its real…and i know its a true love too because of everything he says to me..he wouldnt do that just to hurt me later on..he knows he means everything to me and he’s a part of me whole with him..i have exactally what i want..a best friend(amanda) a love(derrick..also a best friend but you get it) and a mother who loves me with everything…thats all i want..but derrick is giving me more than that..he’s giving me everything i have ever even wished for when i was just a little girl..i wanted to have someone i could go to for anything in the world…wheather its personal stuff or just whatever sometimes when we just talk about well seems like everything…every day i love him more and more…and no matter what i always will…and i still cant thank him enough for every thing he’s done for me..and still is doing for me…he loves me..he protects me..he talks to my friends..he helps me..he helps them..he lets me know how much he cares…he never gives up on me…he takes care of me…he never leaves my side..hed never hurt me….he makes me happy..theres so much more to thank him for but..i cant seem to do it because..its impossible! i can never thank him enough..he’s seen me get mad or upset or scared before and still he stayed by made sure i was better..he made me smile again..he makes me happy all the time…if i feel even a tiny bit depressed ill talk to him and he’ll make everything better…ill forget about my problems…and with other boyfrinds i have had ever…i liked other boys..a lil even…but with him…all i can think about is him…thats it..i could never even picture my self with anyone else…i could never like anypne else..if he ever leaves…ill stay alone for the rest of my life..with the impact he left on me…just knowing i was loved by him would keep me alive..but he dose love me..and i know he wont leave i mean ya i still have that feeling maybe something would happen and he’d leave but…i feel safe with him..i trust him with my life…i cant wait tolook him in the eyes with my fingers laced through his telling him i want to be with him forever…without him im nothing..i wont be complete..everything i do now i do so much better..i dont give up..i look until i find what im looking for or ill push myself to finish if i dont want to because im sad or something…its like he gives me energy ive never had before…its because of him i get up every day when i do its because of him there is a sun rise and set in my life…at times i stare at his picture into his eyes and imagine when ill be able to do this in person…imagine how much closer ill feel twords him…the love ill feel..with him..i can actually feel my heart beat when im not paying attention even..ill sit there reading what he has to say to me and ill feel myself slightly rock from my heart beat…its an amazing feeling…and only he can do that..i fell for him so hard but even when i did fall for him he was there to catch me to make sure i was okay…to tell me he loves me…everything feels so right with him everything…and i dont have to pretent to be anything while im with him..i can just be he only expects me out of me and nothing more…and he dose so much for others as well..he teaches them to rp..and he doesnt get many thanks for it..he helps people in real life..and got ignored..but im going to make sure he gets all of the appreciation and thanks i could possibly give him because he deserves it he deserves everything..and honestly i dont know any other guy that would rather their girlfriend make something for them rather than buy it…he is everything i could ever want..i never want him to change…


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