What I Miss

June 30, 2011

Dear Jen,

I didn’t realize until now just how badly I mishandled our relationship and my feelings for you. By being apart and not talking for so long, I quickly learned that you were everything I ever wanted and by being so afraid of losing you, I ended up chasing you away by scaring the heck out of you. It wasn’t until now that I’ve realized that instead of complaining about the time I didn’t have with you, I should’ve cherished the time I did have, because it was real and filled with affection. I didn’t realize until now ….

I was never alone when we were apart, because just as you were on my mind, I was likely on yours. It wasn’t until now that I’ve realized how special it was to hear your voice even just once a day, let alone several times a day, instead of pouting that you may have fallen asleep without calling first.

And finally, it wasn’t until now that I’ve realized that it wasn’t the late phone call for me to come over because you missed me, or to stay overnight that I miss so much … what I do miss is the feeling behind the way you always stared at me and kissed my hand in the car. The way we looked into each other’s eyes and spoke without saying a word. The way you trusted me with your children and I trusted you with mine. The way you wrote I love you on a steamy window or mirror only to show up again and again for me to see when we were apart. The way you signed to me that you loved me or snuck a kiss or hug in while the kids weren’t watching. The way we joked that we were attached at the hip while fixing supper. The way we wrestled while tickling each other. Jenni, I could go on and on but you know what I’m saying. Yes, it’s the little things I miss the most. The little things that I so recklessly took for granted. All the other was purely a bonus that I overreacted on, eventually destroying “Us.”

The promise I made to you is a promise that I will keep forever no matter what. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Even though I’m dating here and there, I seem to end up comparing them to you. You’ve set the bar very high for me and that’s a good thing because I refuse to settle for less than the standard you’ve set. On that Wednesday (June 4th.) when I returned home and found your e-mail, it was the happiest I’d been in that 5 weeks. I so applaud you for making that move because at the very least, I regained a friend. One that means the world to me.

So, here’s the reason I had to tell you this; if that man in your dreams vaguely has a name and a face, resembling mine, tell him to chill for a bit, so he doesn’t make another life altering mistake by moving on, possibly settling for less. You can be assured that this time, he will take the proper time for you to be ready to accept it, however long that may take.

Before I close I want to sincerely say one last thing straight from my heart … I’m very sorry I tried to force you play by my rules, and I realize now what I miss the very most is you!

Forever my love,


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