We both knew it was something.

July 1, 2011

I’m not going to start this out with “Dear ______.” The world doesn’t need to know your name, because we both know I’m talking to you. We both know that we had something — my fears don’t make me blind and despite your idiocy, I know you see it too.
I can tell by the way you look at me.
And I wish you’d stop, but that’d be like telling me to stop yearning for you. Not happening any time soon, obviously. I’m not here to tell you that I want you back: I don’t want a guy that doesn’t see what he’s got. I threw myself at you (not literally, ahem), and I know: You tried to kiss me, but Jesus, could you really blame me for blocking you when you never made your feelings clear? Can you really blame me?
I can’t apologize enough for offending you; I also cannot say that I’m sorry that I did it.
I miss you. I really do. After that day, I didn’t want anything to do with you; though, I did. But I’m good at getting over things, especially boys. Being a player myself, I don’t like losing my cool, and I definitely thought that you and I were over. We were never actually together, but our feelings sure as hell were alive. So today, to show you just how important you are, I’m going to admit this:
I cried.
Three days ago, I cried. Bawled my eyes out harder than I’ve ever done before — and trust me, I’ve cried pretty darn hard. Now I have those stupid freckles again and they haven’t gotten away in two days now. TWO DAYS — you know the importance of this; don’t play stupid.
And what’s pathetic, is that the only thoughts going through my mind were of you. And us. And our summer together. God, I hate that song now. Inconsolable by Backstreet Boys. I was listening to it when the lyrics made me burst into tears. Yet I love it at the same time — I just can’t listen to it when I’m around you. Hell, no. But that don’t mean I don’t wanna be around you. Oh jees, I so want to be around you. With you. Holding you. And I don’t know how to end this note without being lame, so I’ll make it simple:

I miss you.


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