Somewhere Out There

June 30, 2011

Dear Paul,

I know we are so far apart, and that is has been months since the last time we were together. You would think that I have gotten better at not missing you as much. I can’t explain how all this distance and time apart has made my love for you grow.

The last night that we were together, I wanted it to happen because I wanted to free myself of you since the next day I was to leave. I took it really easy when we went out to eat. I had a great time talking to you and laughing when we spoke of our past times together. The day passed me by and the control I had just vanished slowly. When the night came and we found each other quiet in your car I wanted to die because I realized that I still loved you so much, that I did not want to go home. I wished over and over in my head that we hadn’t let that month pass by without us talking about the past problem. I couldn’t believe how you said you also wanted to see me at the time, but we were just too proud to call each other, and now I was leaving the next day. Yes, I broke into tears and cried in your arms after we just gave into our love for each other and broke away our pride and kissed. You cried with me, and those tears still remain saved in my heart. Though now they kill me every day, because I’m not near you. We made love that night, which just made matters worse, I couldn’t say goodbye … I was just forced to.

I don’t think anyone understands the burden I carry in my heart day by day … until I am once again with you. I am hopelessly in love with you, devoted to being with you. May God reunite us very soon. I am very hopeful that God will lead me to you once again. My first true love, I hope you feel the same, because it would be so much worse if I was lost in this feeling alone, without you to share it with and to share the thought of us being together again. I am sorry for all the bad moments and want to make up for all our time apart. I love you, Paul.

Love always,


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