Dear Eddie,
I arrived in Florida yesterday. I have not stopped thinking of you since. I thought I write to you since I have no other way to share with you my thoughts. I’m hoping somehow you read it one day. I know what you had to share with me was hard. It was hard for me too.
My bedroom wall still bares the tape marks I used to put the dancing couple painting you gave me. Such small marks on the wall, yet they’re sentimental to me as I am reminded of warm memories of you and me.
I have since carried with me a deep-seated hurt that knows no end. Over and over, I played out what had transpired between us. I kept telling myself, maybe I could have done something more to have you see that I needed you in my life. But I stopped for there was nothing more I could do. And the paradox is that I knew you hurt just the same when you turned away. I took care of my own feelings as best I could, and aside from dealing with my loss of you, I took in your hurt, that which pained me the most, for I knew that you did not want to part. Tried you did to make yourself seem “mean”, yet I saw in you, your innocence instead. Still, I knew I had to respect your thoughts and give to you, your rightful space.
I don’t have the answer to why I missed you in just two days. Despite my good intentions and the promise I made to call you and keep in touch, I let my life get so busy trying to settle, that special moments have slipped by me when I could have been with you sooner. I hope you know within in your heart I meant to call. There was not a single day that went by without a loving thought of you.
Having you in my life, although a short time, has brought me more happiness than a lifetime could bring. You’ve touched my life so deeply in your own expressive way that you helped me to laugh and come into my own person more. On certain days, you even made things okay when I would be at my lowest with small family matters or with work. You made me realize how precious and fragile love can be. You were my lover, my teacher and my friend. In short, you made a difference in my life.
You are by far a wonderful man. I see how you’ve humbled yourself into something even more beautiful, and although I won’t be there to see you shine even more and be a part of your goals and dreams, know that in the distance and in spirit … I will be there with you.
I want you to emerge into your greatness. I always had faith in that you can take care of things and life on your own. With that in mind, I want you to be the best that you can be in all that you do. Believe in your dreams as I believe in you.
In heart, and through the bind of love, you will always be my family. For my love was bounded to you as that of a wife’s love for her husband. I will miss your good night kisses and warm embrace, and in the mornings when I awake, at least I can find your eyes in the blue sky.
You will always be the love of my life.
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